So it has been a while since I have written and I'm sure many of you have been wondering what is going on. Last I had posted we were planning to do egg donor and raising money toward that. How things can change so quickly. About 15 weeks ago we were confronted with a decision. My older sister Misi found out she was pregnant and offered us the little gem in adoption. We were caught off guard at first but naturally accepted such a marvelous gift. This quickly changed our focus from getting all the tests and run up on the egg donor to finding an agency and discovering the adventure that is required for adoption. This has abruptly altered our lives for the better. We are now working with Bethany Christian Services to bring home our little bundle of joy. With this journey comes a ton of interesting challenges.
Our first challenge was obviously the financial. We had done well with our first fudge sale. Thank to the love and generosity of family and friends we earned over 2000 dollars to put toward our goal. However, the adoption is going to cost us in the upwards of 18,000 dollars. Graciously my lovely company QVC will pay up to 10,000 after the adoption is finalized. (that is such a relief)
Second challenge is book reading. I know parenting is difficult and that parenting an adopted child can come with its own challenges but the books they put out are just a bit boring. Having to read book that don't really have story lines and plots tends to lose my interest rather quickly. Being required to read four books in a little time frame all speaking on the same subject is a bit tough for me. Yes if it were R.A. Salvatore or the Game of Thrones series I would probably have them at least half read by now.
Our biggest challenge is the fear of the unknown. So much of life can change when you have a child, or so I've heard. I'm not all that scared about having a child in the house. I know my sleep habits will change, how we spend our spare time will change, but the effects of a child on relationships is my biggest fear. Many times when a family grows it develops new circles of friends and the old ones can be left behind. Parents usually tend to gravitate toward the other parents. People who do not have children can be pushed out due to the sudden lack of common interest. I don't have any problem with adding friends but I hope that it doesn't change the current relationships too much. Adopting within the family can cause some interesting changes as well. I fear there can be strain with family on not seeing the child enough, thinking we should raise him a certain way, or any multitude of issues that can come between families. All these can be worked through with time and understanding that everyone wants the best for the child but it is a fear.
The greatest thing is that we are going to gain a baby that we can pour our abundance of love into and care for.
On March 18th we will update you on the gender and any plans we have from there. There is a chance of multiple baby showers, in Pennsylvania as well as Massachusetts. We can't thank everyone enough for the support and encouragement. We love you all and know that the baby will feel loved all around.
Sunday, March 8, 2015
Tuesday, October 7, 2014
unexpected "freak"
Have you ever walked the streets and seen someone with a physical or even mental deformity? Have you seen the way they get stared at or even talked about behind their backs? I would not assume anyone reading this would be one that would stare or talk but I can't imagine there's anyone out there who hasn't experienced this in some extent. It makes me think of Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre-Dame" He was physically deformed and people had a very difficult time accepting him in society.
I had lived with a young man who was bound to a wheel chair and had physical as well as mental ailments. He was a great guy at heart (most of the time) but many in society stared at him and kept their distance because he was different. He recognized it and it effected him emotionally like none could understand.
Sadly my wife and I are now in the same situation. It was rather unexpected but it seems that people view infertility as a disability that is worthy of avoiding. We understand that at the age we at most people have children. Most of their conversations revolve around their children, leaving us with little to contribute. The pain this causes runs deep. Some things may not be on purpose or be because of your infertility but it becomes a issue that we view defines us with others. There have been times where we are not invited to a group get together and realized it was because we didn't have children even though we have been part of this group for over a year now. Not so much amongst the men because we talk sports and such probably more than talk about children. For women though they take pride in their children and the funny stories that they are equipped with.
I'm sure many of you don't really understand because as adults we are well aware of inclusion and loving everyone despite issues they may be having. When you are surrounded by people who have children, you become an outcast. You don't fit in. Emotionally this can be draining.
First, you are dealing with the stress and struggle of physically not being able to have kids without help. You play the waiting game with Dr.'s appointments, the sadness of knowing month after month that you won't be pregnant and you are only getting older, and the frustration of friends and family keeping distant because they have kids and "don't want to hurt you" with the presence of children.
Second, people act like you are less than human when your around because they see you don't have kids. As if in order to belong in the "group" you must be initiated via childbirth. We are humans, we don't mind adorable stories about your little ones mischief. We love kids even if they aren't ours and don't mind you talking about it because we know they are special to you.
Third, even if you don't care it's ok to discuss infertility with us so that you understand. We want children, we love kids. We didn't ask for it. We are constantly fighting the fact we are having to do things differently than those around us. There is the constant questioning on why God would make us suffer through this, why do friends distance themselves from us, and how will we pay the hospital bills that will build up as we push on to make a baby.
So maybe you are sitting there reading this and thinking you feel sorry for us. You may even find it in your heart to try to help us. A lovely woman who has been out of our lives for a few years now has been so sweet and kind that she donated to our cause via gofundme.com. That donation wasn't only financial but an extreme encouragement that we are still warmed in the heart about over a month later. Thank you greatly Deb Wolfe. You too could lift our spirits with something as simple as 10 dollars. (won't argue if you decide to give more)
Please help us afford a beautiful bundle of joy. We need your help. Sure its not ALS or cancer but this is a personal thing where you can see that your money has gone to help. You could help us have a child and post a ridiculous amount of pictures of said cutie on facebook, instagram, and even snapchat. And if you find it in your heart please share this so we can spread the word and hopefully be able to adopt a child or even adopt an egg that will bring so much joy to a loving husband and wife. Help us achieve our goal so we can go from just a married couple to a family.
If you wish to donate please see www.gofundme.com/shoniofam
I had lived with a young man who was bound to a wheel chair and had physical as well as mental ailments. He was a great guy at heart (most of the time) but many in society stared at him and kept their distance because he was different. He recognized it and it effected him emotionally like none could understand.
Sadly my wife and I are now in the same situation. It was rather unexpected but it seems that people view infertility as a disability that is worthy of avoiding. We understand that at the age we at most people have children. Most of their conversations revolve around their children, leaving us with little to contribute. The pain this causes runs deep. Some things may not be on purpose or be because of your infertility but it becomes a issue that we view defines us with others. There have been times where we are not invited to a group get together and realized it was because we didn't have children even though we have been part of this group for over a year now. Not so much amongst the men because we talk sports and such probably more than talk about children. For women though they take pride in their children and the funny stories that they are equipped with.
I'm sure many of you don't really understand because as adults we are well aware of inclusion and loving everyone despite issues they may be having. When you are surrounded by people who have children, you become an outcast. You don't fit in. Emotionally this can be draining.
First, you are dealing with the stress and struggle of physically not being able to have kids without help. You play the waiting game with Dr.'s appointments, the sadness of knowing month after month that you won't be pregnant and you are only getting older, and the frustration of friends and family keeping distant because they have kids and "don't want to hurt you" with the presence of children.
Second, people act like you are less than human when your around because they see you don't have kids. As if in order to belong in the "group" you must be initiated via childbirth. We are humans, we don't mind adorable stories about your little ones mischief. We love kids even if they aren't ours and don't mind you talking about it because we know they are special to you.
Third, even if you don't care it's ok to discuss infertility with us so that you understand. We want children, we love kids. We didn't ask for it. We are constantly fighting the fact we are having to do things differently than those around us. There is the constant questioning on why God would make us suffer through this, why do friends distance themselves from us, and how will we pay the hospital bills that will build up as we push on to make a baby.
So maybe you are sitting there reading this and thinking you feel sorry for us. You may even find it in your heart to try to help us. A lovely woman who has been out of our lives for a few years now has been so sweet and kind that she donated to our cause via gofundme.com. That donation wasn't only financial but an extreme encouragement that we are still warmed in the heart about over a month later. Thank you greatly Deb Wolfe. You too could lift our spirits with something as simple as 10 dollars. (won't argue if you decide to give more)
Please help us afford a beautiful bundle of joy. We need your help. Sure its not ALS or cancer but this is a personal thing where you can see that your money has gone to help. You could help us have a child and post a ridiculous amount of pictures of said cutie on facebook, instagram, and even snapchat. And if you find it in your heart please share this so we can spread the word and hopefully be able to adopt a child or even adopt an egg that will bring so much joy to a loving husband and wife. Help us achieve our goal so we can go from just a married couple to a family.
If you wish to donate please see www.gofundme.com/shoniofam
Monday, September 1, 2014
life
It has been on my mind as of late that though prayer works, being transparent and open about struggles will give you support from those around you. It also allows people to become the answer to prayer that you may need. So warning this will be an open and rather long post. Please don't allow that to stop you from reading it all.
The journey started many years ago on two separate roads. The first started with a young boy in the northern state of Massachusetts. This boy would grow up helping with kids as much as possible. From the joy of little cousins, then nephews and nieces, little sister, and any opportunity he could he would help out. As he grew older he developed a love for raising kids. During college he would even work at camp, where he would take care of nine kids every week.
The second road was traveled by a adorable blonde girl that was born in the quiet country side of Lancaster Pennsylvania. Born with a rare disease this little angel survived many surgeries with the love and caring of her family. Six years later this little beauty would be blessed with a little sister that would begin her love for children. Being able to assist with her sister, as she went through similar surgeries, developed her love for helping with little babies. Growing up she would encounter many chances to assist with kids, from mission trips to Mexico, volunteering at elementary schools, and eventually going to college to become a teacher due to her love for kids and desire to see them succeed. This passion lead her road to Black Rock Retreat where her path crossed the path of the boy above.
Before either would expect it the two roads came together and created a wonderful highway. This highway would travel much faster than both would realize with a few hills. The highway started going through crazy town with their first job taking care of a disabled man. That section of road took a year to travel and soon they realized they wanted to move on and make a family.
The beautiful woman would pursue a career working with children while the man would work hard in a distribution center. Both would participate in assisting youth group and the woman would later help in a nursery at their church. The years would roll on but after four years their desire to grow a family has become fruitless. With a giant collection of Dr. Seuss books, veggie tales movies, and an all around child like attitudes, the couple decided to resort to doctors for guidance.
For the last few months the couple has become stronger through the rough road that is infertility. The doctors would run a plethora of tests and inform them that the male's bullets were a little low but the woman's targets were nonexistent. This news would make the couple feel like they are traveling the highway with 3 flat tires and the gas light on. More tears and emotional pain flowed than water in the Hoover Dam. They would drag through the next couple weeks not understanding what life was to bring, where they would go, or why they would even continue to try for the family they long desired. They were left with two options, adoption and egg donor, that would put a strain on them financially as well as emotionally. Though this process is surely bringing them closer together, as well as closer to God, they find that they need help from friends.
The financial toll of either option is far beyond anything they can afford at this point. They would love nothing more than having a baby but with the upfront cost of such decisions they need your help. Looking at a cost of about 40,000 dollars the couple finds themselves struggling to afford it. They pray that you will find it in your heart to help contribute even a small amount to help them achieve their dream of having that little joy in their life.
The journey started many years ago on two separate roads. The first started with a young boy in the northern state of Massachusetts. This boy would grow up helping with kids as much as possible. From the joy of little cousins, then nephews and nieces, little sister, and any opportunity he could he would help out. As he grew older he developed a love for raising kids. During college he would even work at camp, where he would take care of nine kids every week.
The second road was traveled by a adorable blonde girl that was born in the quiet country side of Lancaster Pennsylvania. Born with a rare disease this little angel survived many surgeries with the love and caring of her family. Six years later this little beauty would be blessed with a little sister that would begin her love for children. Being able to assist with her sister, as she went through similar surgeries, developed her love for helping with little babies. Growing up she would encounter many chances to assist with kids, from mission trips to Mexico, volunteering at elementary schools, and eventually going to college to become a teacher due to her love for kids and desire to see them succeed. This passion lead her road to Black Rock Retreat where her path crossed the path of the boy above.
Before either would expect it the two roads came together and created a wonderful highway. This highway would travel much faster than both would realize with a few hills. The highway started going through crazy town with their first job taking care of a disabled man. That section of road took a year to travel and soon they realized they wanted to move on and make a family.
The beautiful woman would pursue a career working with children while the man would work hard in a distribution center. Both would participate in assisting youth group and the woman would later help in a nursery at their church. The years would roll on but after four years their desire to grow a family has become fruitless. With a giant collection of Dr. Seuss books, veggie tales movies, and an all around child like attitudes, the couple decided to resort to doctors for guidance.
For the last few months the couple has become stronger through the rough road that is infertility. The doctors would run a plethora of tests and inform them that the male's bullets were a little low but the woman's targets were nonexistent. This news would make the couple feel like they are traveling the highway with 3 flat tires and the gas light on. More tears and emotional pain flowed than water in the Hoover Dam. They would drag through the next couple weeks not understanding what life was to bring, where they would go, or why they would even continue to try for the family they long desired. They were left with two options, adoption and egg donor, that would put a strain on them financially as well as emotionally. Though this process is surely bringing them closer together, as well as closer to God, they find that they need help from friends.
The financial toll of either option is far beyond anything they can afford at this point. They would love nothing more than having a baby but with the upfront cost of such decisions they need your help. Looking at a cost of about 40,000 dollars the couple finds themselves struggling to afford it. They pray that you will find it in your heart to help contribute even a small amount to help them achieve their dream of having that little joy in their life.
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