Have you ever walked the streets and seen someone with a physical or even mental deformity? Have you seen the way they get stared at or even talked about behind their backs? I would not assume anyone reading this would be one that would stare or talk but I can't imagine there's anyone out there who hasn't experienced this in some extent. It makes me think of Quasimodo from "The Hunchback of Notre-Dame" He was physically deformed and people had a very difficult time accepting him in society.
I had lived with a young man who was bound to a wheel chair and had physical as well as mental ailments. He was a great guy at heart (most of the time) but many in society stared at him and kept their distance because he was different. He recognized it and it effected him emotionally like none could understand.
Sadly my wife and I are now in the same situation. It was rather unexpected but it seems that people view infertility as a disability that is worthy of avoiding. We understand that at the age we at most people have children. Most of their conversations revolve around their children, leaving us with little to contribute. The pain this causes runs deep. Some things may not be on purpose or be because of your infertility but it becomes a issue that we view defines us with others. There have been times where we are not invited to a group get together and realized it was because we didn't have children even though we have been part of this group for over a year now. Not so much amongst the men because we talk sports and such probably more than talk about children. For women though they take pride in their children and the funny stories that they are equipped with.
I'm sure many of you don't really understand because as adults we are well aware of inclusion and loving everyone despite issues they may be having. When you are surrounded by people who have children, you become an outcast. You don't fit in. Emotionally this can be draining.
First, you are dealing with the stress and struggle of physically not being able to have kids without help. You play the waiting game with Dr.'s appointments, the sadness of knowing month after month that you won't be pregnant and you are only getting older, and the frustration of friends and family keeping distant because they have kids and "don't want to hurt you" with the presence of children.
Second, people act like you are less than human when your around because they see you don't have kids. As if in order to belong in the "group" you must be initiated via childbirth. We are humans, we don't mind adorable stories about your little ones mischief. We love kids even if they aren't ours and don't mind you talking about it because we know they are special to you.
Third, even if you don't care it's ok to discuss infertility with us so that you understand. We want children, we love kids. We didn't ask for it. We are constantly fighting the fact we are having to do things differently than those around us. There is the constant questioning on why God would make us suffer through this, why do friends distance themselves from us, and how will we pay the hospital bills that will build up as we push on to make a baby.
So maybe you are sitting there reading this and thinking you feel sorry for us. You may even find it in your heart to try to help us. A lovely woman who has been out of our lives for a few years now has been so sweet and kind that she donated to our cause via gofundme.com. That donation wasn't only financial but an extreme encouragement that we are still warmed in the heart about over a month later. Thank you greatly Deb Wolfe. You too could lift our spirits with something as simple as 10 dollars. (won't argue if you decide to give more)
Please help us afford a beautiful bundle of joy. We need your help. Sure its not ALS or cancer but this is a personal thing where you can see that your money has gone to help. You could help us have a child and post a ridiculous amount of pictures of said cutie on facebook, instagram, and even snapchat. And if you find it in your heart please share this so we can spread the word and hopefully be able to adopt a child or even adopt an egg that will bring so much joy to a loving husband and wife. Help us achieve our goal so we can go from just a married couple to a family.
If you wish to donate please see www.gofundme.com/shoniofam
